It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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