tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
