dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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