OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
