Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
