Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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