Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
