You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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