Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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