Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
