i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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