At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
