No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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