Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
