It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
