it hurts more in the daytime
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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