You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
