I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
