I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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