i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
