MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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