Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
