Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Randomize
