I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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