I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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