god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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