I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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