You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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