I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
