Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You need Xanax blowdarts
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
