I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
