my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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