she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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