Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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