I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
