Christians are straight up FREAKS
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize