I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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