People in love make me want to vomit
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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