We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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