Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
