Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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