Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
