in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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