Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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