there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
