You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
