he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
