i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I supernannyed him into submission
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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