cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
