just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
