it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
