She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
