I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
