Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
