Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
