dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
