If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize