I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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