i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
