It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
