Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
