the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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