he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
