Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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