if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize