Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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