well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
